I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
