I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm going to jail i love you
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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