So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
