She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it's like iHOP with fire
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
