i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
