First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
