i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
