I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
