3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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