A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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