Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
