I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
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