Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
