dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
