The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
