somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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