you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
