Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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