did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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