So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
