I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
