were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
