Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
