You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
