take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
