my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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