Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
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All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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