fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My penis needs a shock collar
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
