Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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