I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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