she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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