I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
