SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
