Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
