I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
