my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize