having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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