I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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