yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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