This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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