i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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