I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
