Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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