Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
