Where did you get a picture of my penis
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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