Old men and throwing up are my life now.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
