I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
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My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The feeling are messing with the penis
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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