Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
