oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
