I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
