Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Terrible idea I love it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
