their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
