She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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