Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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