I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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