Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
