i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
