Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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