Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
