No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
