He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
