I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This house was built for laser tag.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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