I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
