I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
