i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
whose parrot is this?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
