I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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