tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
