peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
