Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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