; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
