suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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