I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
