hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
