The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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