walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize