brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
