PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
