Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
